Kembara Kemboja #2

"Bingkisan Dari Phnom Penh"

Selamat pagi Phnom Penh.

Buku yang dibawa bersama dalam perjalanan kali ini sangat tepat. Berkobar-kobar semangat nak mencari Melayu. 😎

5.47am waktu Kemboja. Jenuh nak tunggu tanah cerah sebab di Malaysia dah pukul 6.47am. Kemboja baru bangun dan kedai makan sedang dibuka.

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Hari kedua ini, ke mana kita?


#cambodiatrip #travel2015 #day2 #nofilter

Kembara Kemboja #1

29 Julai hingga 2 Ogos, selama empat hari aku berkesempatan ke Kemboja bersama Nora. Tiket dibeli ketika bulan puasa yang lalu, ketika dia sedang boring melihat-lihat tiket. Lalu diajaknya aku ke Kemboja. Aku tidak teragak-agak. Memikirkan masih dalam cuti semester dan ada wang yang akan masuk, maka aku setuju. Dia membeli tiket, rancangnya turun di Phnom Penh dan balik dari Siem Riep.

Menjelang hari bertolak, barulah dia book hotel dan menyiapkan itinerary. Aku serahkan semua pada dia, takmahu campur tangan. Lagi pun ketika itu sangat tersangkut dengan kerja.

Kemboja yang aku tahu ada Killing Fields, Angkor Wat dan Melayu. Selain itu pengetahuan ku samar-samar. Nak membaca pun tak sempat. Jadi aku fikir apaah buku sesuai dibawa. Aku dah siapkan Tuesday With Morie. Tetapi sebelum berangkat, aku capai Emas Para Dapunta dan Maharaja. Tak sangka ini buku terbaik yang menjadi rujukan ku di Kemboja.

Catatan aku letakkan di FB dan instagram, akan aku naikkan satu persatu di sini. Ada yang berulang-ulang catatannya. Tapi memadailah sebagai coretan kecil kembaraku di sana.

Ya, kemboja aku datang!

Phnom Penh International Airport yang humble

NAK dan salafisme

Cikda kata Nouman Ali Khan diserang oleh geng salafi. Aku pun tak faham  tentang serangan ini. Apa yang aku tahu, aku cuma ingin belajar ilmu yang benar, tak bergaduh dengan orang, membersihkan hati dan membetulkan kekhilafan teman-teman terdekat.

Kemudian NAK letak satu status panjang yang jarang dia letak di FB. Aku rasa terpanggil untuk letak di sini lepas 'share only me' dalam FB. Kemudian akan aku baca dengan cermat dan perlahan.

 

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Nouman Ali Khan

 

Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullahi Wa Barakatuhu,

I’ve decided to write this post because a few close friends forwarded me comments being made about a clip of mine taken from a program I conducted recently teaching the core concepts of Surah Yasin. It seems a number of people (whose sincerity I wouldn’t question nor do I have the right to) are concerned that I’m poking fun at the learning of the classical science of Aqeedah and some of the most famous classical scholarly manuals that deal with the monumental subject. This post will be longer than my usual writings and for that I apologize in advance. 

First and foremost, Allah, His Messenger صلى الله عليه وسلم and His Deen are infinitely more worthy that I stand up for them and defend them as opposed to me defending myself. If the intention behind defending oneself is to preserve dignity or reputation, my belief, as is the belief of all Muslims, is that dignity was granted to us because of this religion and when we pursue any other means to attain it, we will fail. Having said that I am compelled to explain what motivates this writing. Allah says وعسى أن تكرهوا شيئا وهو خير لكم والله يعلم وأنتم لا تعلمون. "It may well be that you all despise something and it is better for you while it is Allah, He knows and you! You don’t know!" I think in this frenzy of comments and outrage there is an opportunity to share something of value about this beautiful religion and I will try to do so to the best of my ability with clarity and sincerity. I’d also like to comment right from the get go that I was taught from an early age to uphold the dignity of all human beings especially Muslims. I don’t go around reading comments being made about me but for any who are outraged at me or may have made disparaging or judgmental remarks, they are still my family in faith and I wish them well and pray for them as I would for myself and my own family. That isn’t something special. This is just what Muslims are supposed to do.

Now, on to the subject at hand…

Part 1: My Attitude Towards the Subject of Aqeedah and the Hadith:
I have tremendous respect for the entire corpus of our scholarly tradition including the science of Aqeedah codified by great human beings of the past, may Allah grant His forgiveness and loving mercy to all of them. For those of you to whom my comments were perceived as offensive to that tradition, I apologize for coming across as insensitive and dismissive. I have studied some of the books I’m accused of making fun of with some of my own teachers and mentors (which I will get to a bit later). Historically, it is that legacy that prevented great philosophical confusion from ransacking the ummah and kept us holding on to the core teachings of the Qur’an and Sunnah in a manner that was true to the sacred text.

Secondly, often times the word Qur’aniyyoon is thrown my way. This guy always talks about the Qur’an, never about hadith. Though I’ve talked about this before, I will here again. I have regard for the subject of Hadith that is hard to put into words and appreciate that to be a muhaddith is to engage in some of the most rigorous, laborious and life consuming scholarship of any of the other Islamic sciences. In my early years learning about Islam, I would learn from brothers more knowledgeable than myself who were not hadith scholars and they would quote a hadith from Sahih Al Bukhari or Muslim or Sunnan Al-Tirmidhi. It was years later that I went through some of the same ahadith with an actual muhaddith only to discover that the context and scholarly understanding of the very same texts was so different than what a shallow translation yielded. This happened on multiple occasions. If ones understanding of the Qur’an can be problematic if not keeping in mind the historical context of revelation, and that is the word of Allah, that would certainly have to be of paramount importance when it comes to the hadith tradition. There’s far more to consider than whether or not a hadith is authentic. When did our blessed messenger say it? Who did he say it to? How was it acted upon? Are there other ahadith that complement its understanding? How did the early generations discuss this hadith? How did the fuqaha discuss this hadith? Did scholars of the past deal with potential misconceptions that may arise from this hadith if not properly understood in its rich language and context? These are a lot of questions and I for one do not suppose about myself that I can confidently comment on them without having learned them directly from a scholar of the subject. I’d rather not quote a hadith than to quote it with a partial understanding. I do cite the ahadith that I’ve had the honor of learning with certain muhadditheen for which I am eternally grateful. I also happen to have an ijazah in Al-Nawawi (may Allah show him loving mercy)’s collection of forty ahadith. Incidentally, I conducted a program a year ago called ‘Honoring the Messenger’ and part of it was to illustrate how it is impossible to believe in the book of Allah without believing in the Sunnah of His beloved Messenger SAW. So yeah, I believe in our sacred Hadith tradition and the flawless Sunnah of our messenger SAW but I’m unwilling to be reckless in citing it.

Part 2: The Pulpit and The Street
I found Islam in New York City in the nineties. When I decided to fix my life according to the mandates of Islam, I needed someone to teach me the religion. If you know anything about NYC, you know that depending on which masjid you set foot into, you’re going to be shown a very different picture of Islam. I went to a masjid where the Imam told me not to worry about learning the meanings of the Qur’an because that is only for scholars. I should concern myself with the five pillars and following the scholars (by which he meant himself and the individuals he would approve of from his particular line of thought). This by the way is not an isolated incident. I have met countless Muslims from the indian sub continent who are told that they should not attempt to understand the meanings of the Qur’an because they will get confused and they should leave that to the scholars. Just learn some dhikr and if you have a question, ask the scholar. He’s already got the perfect understanding so you wouldn’t have to do any heavy lifting.

Being a restless soul, that didn’t sit well for too long. I ended up in yet another circle, where the entire focus was to debate the truth of Islam with non-Muslims, then to another group where your spirituality was pegged to your personal relationship with a spiritual mentor without whom you wouldn’t be able to become a better Muslim and better yet, you might only be saved through this relationship. I met some brothers at a restaurant once. I remember it like it was yesterday. They saw me and recognized me as a Muslim and so they started talking to me. They told me that if my aqeedah isn’t correct that I’m fuel for the hellfire. I was worried. I asked them what they thought of all the people I had previously learned from by name. And for each of them they had the same answer. ‘He’s a good brother but his aqeedah is flawed and he’s calling people to the hellfire’. Now I was really worried. I joined their circle and was in it for more than a year. I learned to ask the first and most important question before asking anything else not only of scholars or khateebs or da’ees but also of fellow muslims. What’s his aqeedah? I even asked my dad once. What’s your aqeedah? He said, beta (which means son) we’re sunni. I didn’t respond but in my heart I said to myself, that’s what they all say. I actually believed that my family believed in what will lead them to the hellfire because they didn’t have the right aqeedah. Then came the problem of ‘how do you tell if someone has the right aqeedah or not’? For all practical purposes, I was indoctrinated into thinking that when it comes to this issue, there is no such thing as benefit of the doubt. You have to assume that anyone and everyone is corrupted in their aqeedah and you have to listen to what they say with extreme caution waiting to hear something that could prove that AH HAH! they are deviant in their aqeedah. Bear in mind this became more about fishing for what might be creatively interpreted as a problem of aqeedah than an actual problem of aqeedah. We have to be cautious, and if there is even a millionth chance that this person might mean something problematic, not only do I have to never listen to anything he ever has to say, but also warn others to stay away from him. For a short while in those two years, my only mission was to save the ummah from deviants in aqeedah. I was good at it too. Somebody could quote a book and I’d say, this person has read this book and is influenced by the ideas of the author whose aqeedah is unknown, therefore he is on the deviant list. The list was updated regularly.
What happened as a result was a spiritual void that I’ve never felt before in my life. I wasn’t close to Allah. I knew how to argue His names and attributes and debate whether He was above or everywhere but I didn’t feel His love, His guidance, His mercy and His constant company. Allah just became a subject of debate. I became accustomed to mocking Muslims who didn’t see Islam the right way that I saw it. I developed hatred for those who taught anything about Islam in ways that didn’t align with my authentic and flawless understanding. The people that I had love for were reducing by the day and by the way, some of the guys in the authentic aqeedah circle had disagreements with each other and started calling each other deviant too. That was ultra-confusing because now I didn’t know which side to pick. They both quoted the same scholars from abroad who of course wrote in Arabic so I had no way of looking at the information myself except through the lens of translation. We studied aqeedah manuals most of the time. Sometimes we studied certain ayaat of the Qur’an but we only studied them to reinforce that we are on the right aqeedah and how this ayah and that hadith were evidence against such and such group. Qur’an and Sunnah were ammunition for us.

Then a friend of mine, whom I loved because he was totally not into this whole religious debate scene, took me to this program where my first Qur’an teacher was doing a rapid translation and explanation of the entire Qur’an in Urdu. I’ll be honest, I first sat in to check for aqeedah mistakes. But the first night, as he just talked about the word of Allah, I couldn’t help my tears from rolling down my eyes. The ayaat and their explanation was doing something to me that no halaqah, no debate, no study had ever done. I genuinely desired seeking forgiveness that night. That was different because the nights before that one I was more concerned with whom else should be seeking forgiveness. As the nights of the series in Ramadan continued, I experienced a never before felt love for the Qur’an, for the messenger, for Allah. I didn’t want to learn anything else anymore. I wanted this. This is not like any other book. Nothing else has ever made me think like this, feel like this. My journey into the Qur’an began with Dr. Abdus Samie and his brilliant little Arabic class. I started memorizing more and more of the Qur’an. I started losing interest in the deviations of others and started noticing the deviations in myself.

My comments may have been disparaging to some of you and for that I apologize. But the way our beautiful scholarly tradition is being abused to pass blatant judgment against other fellow Muslims who are each in their own unique struggle spiritually, intellectually and emotionally is just unfair and cruel. Our faith is no different from the faith of Adam AS or Ibrahim AS or the Messenger of Allah SAW. The Qur’an is the best and most primary source to understand who God is because He speaks for Himself in it. When I meet young hot headed Muslims who are ready to quote a aqeedah text and defend it but haven’t had the time to memorize or recite or learn the meanings of even few surahs, I find that to be an abandonment of our salaf.
In the Musnad of Ahamd RA and Sahih Muslim, the messenger SAW says
إن الله يرفع بهذا الكتاب أقواماً ويضع به آخرين

Certainly Allah, He elevates because of this book entire nations and puts other down because of it. So when our beloved SAW says that this book will the cause of the rise of nations, which ayaat is he SAW referring to? The ones that we find useful in refuting each other? The ones that fortify our positions against others? This book is above our agendas. It is above our comfort zones. This book reign supreme and nothing will ever be a bigger priority than it. وكلمة الله هي العليا. The word of Allah, it is the Highest. It is not just another subject in Islamic studies. It is the central beam that holds this entire religion and its people together. If I spent my entire life emphasizing that it is the ultimate priority of the Muslims, it won’t be nearly enough. The Sunnah of our messenger is best described by our mother RA, كان خلقه القرآن. It is to be viewed as the Qur’an brought into practical application. It is thus not a separate entity or different subject matter but really a necessary and fundamental manifestation of the book of Allah from words to actions. When average Muslims, (not specialized students or scholars) are being taught that their first priorities need to be elsewhere, I will disagree till my dying breath. This word was powerful enough to guide the lost souls of Quraish and turn them into the greatest generation history has ever seen. It was powerful enough to guide jinns passing by just as they heard some of its miraculous ayaat. It is still powerful enough to guide any human being, Muslim or non through this age of fitnah. We are at its service and it is not at ours. Its surahs dictate what is priority. We do not impose our priorities on it. We don’t get to decide which ayaat are more important than others. Which surahs are more important than others. That is for Allah and His messenger SAW. So much of the ummah today has no idea what the word of Allah is. This Qur’an is passed to us through the sweat, blood and tears of generations before us starting with our beloved himself SAW. It isn’t cheap. People before us paid with blood so we can recite it, ponder upon it, seek guidance from it and live by it today. How is it not my top priority? Everything I will learn about islam, I will learn in the shade of Allah’s word. For that, I am not sorry.

Wassalamu Alaikum.

Gaduh anak-anak

Aku perhati sahaja bila Dr KM menembak FT dalam satu status FBnya dua hari lepas. Itu pun selepas Group WA batch aku bercerita tentangnya. Aku share only me tapi tak baca. Aku scroll sampai bawah. Dapat aku tebak apa yang Dr KM 'bagi' pada FT.

Kemudian dalam status lain aku baca yang Dr KM menyahut cabaran penyokong FT agar berdebar di UKM. Aku senyum sinis. Parah ni, desus hatiku.

Malam itu aku hantar mesej pada A dan Ida. Aku teringat perangai masa kecil dahulu..

Bergaduh dalam FB ni macam budak-budak main ejek-ejek lepas tu ajak gaduh kat padang. Ramailah yang datang menonton. Tumbuk menumbuk pun berlaku. Sorak sorai bukan main kuat. Akhirnya dua-dua bengkak muka dan penonton pun bersurai.

Selepas itu yang kuat berkokok ialah para penonton. Masing-masing buat ulasan sendiri hingga melampau-lampau ekspresinya. Yang bergaduh pula kena duduk diam sebab mulut dah bengkak dan tak boleh bercakap apa-apa.

Aku senyum selepas menghantar mesej ini. Mereka berpandangan yang sama.

Kepada A, aku tambah lagi mesej berikut:

Faisal Tehrani merupakan guru penulisan pertama saya. I still respect him as my guru. Only as my guru penulisan. Dia telah meletakkan Norziati di tempat sekarang. Tiada siapa boleh nafikan. Tapi tak bermaksud kita kena sokong dia membabi buta.

Tambahku lagi,

Sebab tu i ke casis senyap2 dan minta kawan terdekat rahsiakan. But i did my confession yesterday. See my profile, i put casis on my edu background. Bukan senang nak buat tu. kena sampai tahap haqqul yaqin untuk ubah status. Jangan fikir ia semudah edit your profile.

Aku senyum lagi pada ayat akhir. Penutupnya aku kata: 

Haha i am too philosophical maybe

Yeah, it's me :)

Catatan akhir sebuah perjalanan

Aku cuba mencatatkan kembali apa yang berlaku sepanjang perjalanan dan penemuan akhir aku dengan Logman karim. Semoga ini akan terus mengekalkan ingatanku yang tersisa untuknya.

 

5 Jun 2015 | Sabtu

Sabtu, menjelang Asar. Secara tiba-tiba dapat makluman bahawa Loqman adalah salah seorang mangsa hilang ketika gempa bumi di Gunung Kinabalu pada semalam, 5 Jun 2015 (Jumaat). Secara tiba-tiba aku cuba mengingat kembali tentang Loqman, perkara yang dibuatnya pada pandanganku sebelum berlaku kejadian itu. Dari instagramnya, aku nampak dia berada di sekitar Kota Kinabalu, berjalan-jalan, cari makan dan jumpa kawan. Nampak gayanya dia menghabiskan beberapa lama mas cutinya di sana. Sebelum itu sudah nampak yang dia menyiapkan beg untuk ke dua destinasi berbeza. Kalau satu ke KK, satu lagi? Dia tak memberitahu aku pula tak bertanya.

Sejak siang Sabtu itu mulalah kekecohan antara kami berlaku. Benar, kehilangannya sudah disahkan dan kami menjadi risau. Jika benar dia mendaki Gunung Kinabalu, bagaimana keadaannya? Arifah terus menghubungi IPD Ranau untuk mendapatkan maklumat rasmi. Memang nama Man dalam senaria orang hilang dan masih belum ada berita terbaharu. Ada 19 orang nama hilang, dua dah dapat ditemui. Risau kami cuba memanjatkan doa. Semoga kau hanya hilang, bukannya apa-apa. 

 

Sabtu seperti biasa aku ada kelas penuh. Pagi aku ponteng kelas Arab untuk ke Wacana Falsafah Hidup Hamka. Kemudian aku terus ke Kelas Prof T. Malam ada SNL. Tetapi aku harus pulang kerana esok ada kenduri doa selamat. Selepas kelas Prof T, aku ke Dewan Utama untuk makan dan terus pulang ke rumah. Sampai Serting lebih kurang jam 11. Sepanjang perjalanan mesej tak henti-henti masuk. Benarkah Loqman di sana? Apa khabarnya?

Jauh di sudut hati aku masih mengharap dia tidak apa-apa.

Tetapi mesej-mesej yang masuk kian merisaukan. Zamir bertanya agar sesiapa dalam kalangan BOD boleh menjadi wakil menghubungi keluarganya. Aku tahu BOD tengah pening dengan teater Kelip-Kelip minggu hadapan. Maka aku menawarkan diri. 

Pertama sekali ialah menghubungi ibunya. Aku menghantar SMS memperkenalkan diri. Ketika itu jam 12 tengah malam. Ibu bapanya baru mendarat dari Vietnam. Kami menawarkan tiket untuk keluarganya ke KK jika perlu. Aku tahu ibunya tidak akan membalas sekarang. Tetapi aku tahu dia akan membacanya.

6 Jun 2015 | Ahad

Aku terjaga seawal 4 pagi. Tidak lama kemudian aku terima SMS dari ibunya. Aku segera membalas. Terus aku mendapat panggilan dari ibu. Suaranya serak basah. Dia mengatakan bahawa tiket sudah dibeli malam tadi sebaik sahaja mendarat. Penerbangan mereka jam 9 pagi nanti ke KK. Aku mengangguk. Seolah-olah anggukan ku dapat dilihatnya. 

Usai solat subuh aku dihubungi sekali lagi. Kali ini suara ibu jelas dan segar. Selepas memberi salam suaranya bertukar sayu dan sedih. "Doakan Loqman, maafkan Loqman, dia anak yang baik. Nanti makcik bincnag dengan ayahnya. Doakan makcik tabah." Aku pula bercucuran air mata. Cuma esakan tangis keluar dari mulutku tanpa ada apa-apa yang mampu ku ucapkan.

Bagaimana keadaan mu ketika ini, Man?

Kemudian aku dah sibuk di dapur, memasak untuk kenduri. Jiran tak ramai yang ada kerana masing-masing berhalangan. Jadi aku cuma sekejap-sekejap dapat memegang telefon. Kerisauan dalam hati usahlah cakap. Arifah kerap menghubungi IPD dan menghantar berita dari pakciknya. 

Menjelang zohor aku segera mandi. Ketika ingin solat (kerana majlis bermula sebaik sahaja selepas zohor), Arifah menghantar berita dari pakciknya:

Maaf..kami baru terima berita yang Loqman baru sahaja meninggal dunia. Dia cedera parah dihempap batu.

Aku rasa dadaku pecah.

Kemudian satu mesej yang lain masuk:

Pakcik Loqman baru call. Dia cakap Loqman dah ditemui..tapi masih koma, dihimpit batu. Sekarang rescue team sedang cuba bawa dia turun untuk ke hospital.

Aku rasa lega tetapi cuma sesaat. Masih belum yakin, masih bergalau.

Tiba-tiba panggilan dari ibunya masuk. Tepat pada azan Zohor berkumandang.

"Loqman dah tak ada. Dia koma tapi sebenarnya dia dah tak ada. Dia Allah piuinjamkan Loqman kepada saya selama 22 tahun sahaja. Maafkanlah Loqman. 

Aku tak dengar ayat selepas itu. Air mata ku turun bagai hujan. Aku tak mampu berkata apa-apa. Sebak, sangat sebak.

Di dapur masih sibuk, di ruang tamu tetamu mula datang.

 

Aku harus segera. Aku hubungi Arifah. Raihan. Izzy dan tak dapat, Zamir. Izzy.

Kemudian aku tulis status di FB

...bersambung...

Sebuah rasa

 Rasa cinta itu hanya dapat dinilai oleh mereka yang jatuh cinta. Bagaimana halusnya perasaan itu, rapuhnya hati, pedihnya jiwa, bergelodak ingatan, terganggu perkataan, berkecamuk tindakan, gelisah perbuatan dan resah yang menjadi teman. Sering teringat-ingat dan terganggu. Perasaan ini dapat ketahui apabila kita sendiri jatuh cinta. Itu perasaan yang sukar diungkapkan.

Begitulah juga dengan ahli sufi. Apa yang mereka rasa hanya merekalah yang faham. Bagaimana mereka dalam cinta yang tinggi kepada Tuhan, perasaan yang dialami, dalamnya perasaan, jernihnya pemikiran, halusnya jiwa dan sucinya hati itu meraka yang rasa. Sukar sekali diungkapkan. Walau pun ada yang cuba menyatakan begitu begini perasaan itu tetapi tidak sama dengan yang merasa. Malah mereka sendiri pun sukar untuk mengungkapkannya. Biarlah cinta kepada Tuhan itu antara mereka dengan Tuhan. Tiada kata-kata yang boleh menggambarkan.

Kalau pun ada yang cuba mengatakan ahli sufi begitu dan begini sifatnya, ia cuma sebahagian kecil sahaja dari apa yang mereka rasa. Selebihnya, kita kena alami sendiri. Kita sendiri perlu berada di tempat iti.

Begitulah nikmat perasaan. Apabila melibatkan cinta, rasalah dahulu barulah tahu betapa dalamnya perasaan itu.

Perangkap masa

Usia antara masa. Apakah kita diperangkap usia atau dibuai-buai dengan masa?

Waktu terasa pantas berlaku. Sudah pun masuk Jun. Apa pencapaiaku tahun ini?

Tidak banyak. Selain kelam kabut oleh kelas Isnin, Rabu, Sabtu dan Ahad, kerja-kerja pejabat kian merosot. Tak banyak projek masuk. Aku dah mula bosan dengan rutin yang sama. Sudah mula mencari peluang luar. Kalau boleh di Singapura, Brunei atau Indonesia. Namun tinggi manalah kemahiran yang aku ada selain Jawi?

Pengajianku kian menarik. Cuma aku terperangkap oleh masa dari membaca buku lebih banyak. Harus aku urus masa dengan lebih baik. Cuma meter Goodreads ku agak baik tahun ini. Sudah mampu membaca sering kelajuan meter. Semiga aku boleh membaca lebih banyak buku.

Sekaligus memerangkap masaku sendiri.